ReadingLirael, As You Like It, The English Patient, Heart of Darkness, Suikoden III, Candidate for Goddess
Watching House, Rick Mercer's Monday Report, Gilmore Girls, Scrubs, Corner Gas, Aishiteruze Baby, Prince of Tennis, Hikaru no Go
Playing The Bard's Tale, Katamari Damacy, Curse of Monkey Island, Final Fantasy VI, Disgaea: Hour of Darkness, Pretty Barbie Dressup Party Final Fantasy X-2(group gaming)
Back-burner Star Ocean: Till the End of Time, Star Ocean: The Second Story, Final Fantasy Tactics: Advance, Baldur's Gate: Tales of the Sword Coast, Planescape: Torment, Final Fantasy VII
Obsessing Firefly, Erik and Ray, Impulse/Bart Allen, Ford Prefect, Monkey Island, Nostalgia.
Upcoming Things of Importance January 5 First day of classes January 14 Birthday party January 16 Jaryn and Matt Are Old Day
layout
Is by Meimi, that wonderful Goddess who brings joy and happiness to the hearts of Ingrids.
This time, Meimi brought joy by doing a layout of Isumi Shinichirou and Waya Yoshitaka, of Hikaru no Go. It is full of wub.
.
Final Fantasy X - Tightass McWankerson vs Jane Austen
2/21/2004 01:28:16 AM
"This time, Tightass actually enters the Cloister of Trials, and the fun begins. Of course you know I'm being sarcastic, because nothing involving Tightass could ever be fun, except for killing him painfully."
Because, good lord, after an entire day of mashing my head on the keyboard trying to write about Jane Austen's hideously dull novel "Persuasion", even Tightass starts looking good.
I settle back to play for a few hours, not realizing that I'm beginning several hours of gameplay with Final Fantasy's answer to PoT's Kabaji (and, I suppose, Atobe Keigo), pointless puzzles, and the foreshadowing of blitzball.
We head into Kilika Temple, and all that really matters is that it's a temple . . . of BURNING. Oh, and we meet the super bitch summoner, Dona (Atobe), and her giant, silent manbitch, Barthello (Kabaji). Atobe snarks at Yuna and her company of idiots, there's talk, and Yuna doesn't snark very well at all in return. Atobe and Kabaji leave, and the gang proceed to enter the Cloister of Trials.
Without Tightass.
I laugh, especially when Kimahri shoves Tightass back, and wonder if it's possible that I can just let Tightass sit by the weird descending platform thingy until the others come back, but no, Atobe and Kabaji show up, for no readily explained reason, and they throw Tightass down, hoping that he'll die.
He doesn't.
I have to suffer through another pointless sphere puzzle, only so Tightass can find Wakka, Lulu, and Kimahri sitting around doing nothing. But Kimahri gets to shove Tightass some more, and I'm happy. Yuna's doing her Summoner thing alone, which really makes me wonder why I have to suffer through the tedious puzzle previously. Also, if that's supposed to be a Trial . . . it needs a lot of work. Really. Yuna eventually comes out, with a new aeon to summon. It's the Burninating aeon (of course, since this is the temple of Burnination) and I resist the temptation to rename it TROGDAR.
We leave, and Tightass does more of his horrible voice over, and for some reason randomly starts screaming.
He hates his father and misses Zanarkand, did you know?
So Tightass is crazy, and everyone gets kicked out of the village because, dude, who wants a crazy shit like Tightass around, especially after the village has been eaten by Sin and all. There's more happy boat stuff, I finally stumble across some chocobos, and have my usual craving for KFC. There's some other stuff, and a bunch of cutscenes with Wakka and Lulu that I have to keep going back to and agh why can't I just see the whole thing? I suppose this way I could avoid the exstensive cutscenes that tell me very little I don't already know (except that Wakka and Lulu's parents are all dead, and Sin kills EVERYONE YOU LOVE), but I bet the plot wouldn't progress if I missed them.
There's ANOTHER GODDAMN POINTLESS FLASHBACK in which Jecht mocks the wee Tightass, and Tightass tries to do this incredibly fruity shot that his dad was famous for. It ends with Tightass getting hit in the head. I laugh.
He and Yuna have a Moment, and Yuna, at least, isn't totally maladjusted with respect to her father.
There's more pointless talking and cutscenes and god I hate can I kill stuff yet and we arrive in the next city where the giant Blitzball tournament is going to be.
This is not good.
Tightass makes a total ass of himself (no, seriously, even if you -like- Tightass, how can you think he's anything but a fucktard in the scene with the megaphone?) and humiliates poor Wakka, we get to meet the incredibly old and decrepit leader of Spira, and a creepy veiny guy named Seymour with utterly hideous hair.
He wishes he was Sephiroth. He's not even -Kuja-, man, he's that pathetic.
After we witness this scene of expositiony badness, it's time for the blitzball tournament to begin. I'm confronted by a massive looking tutorial where I probably won't even be able to control anything that's going on, and so . . . I turn Hugo off for the night.
No, seriously, Square, wtf? I mean, I know you love your mini-games, and I know you hate me, and maybe this is just revenge on me for bitching about the fact that no one explains the rules in the FFIX card game, but what the shit? I'm, like, seven hours into the game. STOP HURTING ME WITH THE BAD TUTORIALS.
How many more hours before it stops sucking? Almighty Ingrid, Signing Off
Three More Hours of Butt-Slappin' FFX Action
2/20/2004 01:08:37 AM
"Lulu assures Tightass that he'll understand what she means someday. I wouldn't count on it, honey."
Apparently there's some Fudomine in episode 121 of Prince of Tennis. I suppose this means I'll have to get back to downloading them. Because, dude, Shinji. Moriyama Eiji. Kamio. Ann-chan!
But I still haven't watched the Fudomine-related episode in which the Bad Thing is Done with Tachibana . . . 'cause that'll make me sad, man. Tachibana is the god of Fudomine - you don't do shit like that to Fudomine's Father!
--
I didn't even get a page written of my boring paper today, but what do I care? Fucktard was on, and there was Lindsey. And 'lo, I was happy. 'cause, dude, Lindsey, even if it is before the evil hand incident.
There was also Disgaea - I'm on chapter four, now! Laharl is such a self-absorbed little brat. We love him madly, we really do. I want one for my birthday, but that's as likely as me getting Roy's ability to blow shit up when he snaps his fingers.
I also spent several hours watching playing Final Fantasy X, and I shall now proceed to blacken the text in case someone besides me has been lucky enough to avoid the Crusade of the Wanker.
When I last shut Hugo off in exasperation and yanked out the FFX disc, Tightass Tidus was standing around, like a wanker, in Besaid Village, and so, with great reluctance, I pushed him forward and deeper into his wacky Spira adventures, wherein he would meet people who think he's stupid, more people with horrible voice actors, and get his ass slapped by Wakka some more.
I make Tightass go into the temple, finally, where he proceeds to . . . do stuff, and then goes back to Wakka's for lunch. Wakka's a lazy bum though, and lunch does not come. I think Tightass is forced to take a nap around now, and there's another weird dream thing that makes no sense, which basically shows that Tightass was a screwed up little kid, and he hates his father. Also, I don't think, Tightass' Mother, that telling your seven-year-old son that he should hope his father lives for the sole purpose of telling him how much he hates him is really a good thing. But maybe I'm crazy.
Then, I have to go back to the temple again, and if it weren't just up some stairs, I'd be really pissed off and be having flashbacks to the Treehouse in Kingdom Hearts. Once there, Tightass proceeds to basically spit on the religion of Yevon. Way to show religious tolerance, Tightass! No one tries to kill him, and I'm sad. I'd try to kill him if he went around spitting on -my- religion. There's some stuff about an apprentice summoner, who Wakka's a guardian to. Wakka still makes me think of Fozzie Bear. There's other guardians, too, and one of them is a giant blue lion, who never talks. I love him already. The other is a really hot chick with no nipples, who thinks Tightass is an idiot. I love her, too.
The summoner, however, is another story. She talks like a zombie. Although if they gave her something crazy, like a personality, I might feel sorry for her, since she'll end up being Tightass' love interest. The only characters who sound more like zombies than her are Wakka's blitzball team, the Aurochs.
I think they may actually be zombies, I'm not sure.
There's a lot of annoying me-not-getting-to-kill-anything and Wakka being all touchy-feely with Tightass. Yuna (the zombie summoner) and Tightass have a brief Moment together later that night, that's cut short, and whenever you try to get near to Yuna for the rest of the scene, an old lady screams at Tightass to get away, and calls him a heathen.
Feel the love!
There's -another- weird dream sequence that suggests that Tightass wants to get it on with Yuna, Rikku, and his old man, all at the same time.
Tightass' dad is one scary looking mofo.
He wakes up, only to overhear Wakka and Lulu talking about a dead guy named Chappu, and we get to find out Wakka's tragic backstory! Chappu's his dead brother, killed by Sin a while back.
Chappu looked a lot like Tightass.
Good to know someone besides Tightass has incestuous issues they need to work out.
Next morning, we're off for a long trek to a boat, and random encounters/tutorials which make me gape and wonder how I can be more than three hours into a game and -still- have tutorials going on.
I think Square hates me. I hate FFX pseudo-tutorials.
Lulu totally wags her tits at the camera when she delivers the finishing blow in a battle.
Lulu has some tits . . .
After the trek of pointless tutorialdom, we get on a boat, and people are sad because Yuna is leaving. I am not, because every time I leave somewhere, it brings me closer to the promise of actual gameplay.
Unfortunately, on the boat, Tightass proceeds to head-hump a guy with binoculars in a way that puts the sexual antics of Kingdom Hearts to shame. It's really quite scary to watch.
After this horrifying display, Stuff is Revealed about Yuna's Great Father, Lulu insults Tightass, and Sin attacks.
I should point out that I -do- like the ability to switch party members during battles. I just wish they'd fix the stupid camera problems that have been driving me insane since the beginning of the game.
There's fighting, there's Tightass nearly but not quite dying, and Sin kills some babies and destroys shit in the village the Wank Squad are going to, so once they actually arrive there, Yuna has an excuse to do some Summoner ritual for the dead, and Square can show off their graphics.
Yuna, she's like Jesus, in a way.
There's more random talking, Tightass is insulted by Lulu some more, bonding, blah blah blah, all that shit, who cares, because we're treking to the temple, now, and thank you god I actually have half-an-hour of gameplay that isn't interrupted by a cutscene! I'm so happy that I just get to sit back and relax and kill random monsters, that I decide to finish up my game there, before I actually enter the temple, where there'll probably be lots of cutscenes and FMVs to annoy me.
I'm sitting through the game (and really, it is sitting through, I have to do so little right now) because people keep telling me that it gets good. I'm waiting, waiting, and I'll probably hang on in the vain hope that there'll be some cool stuff about Lulu or Wakka, or blue lion dude, because they're cool, and I like them. Lulu's sarcastic (and hot) and Wakka's funny and dorky and obviously high on drugs, but he has brother-related-angst, and damned if I'm not a sucker for brother related angst. And Kimahri is . . . a big blue lion. What more do you want?
If I keep playing this game I'm going to have to play blitzball, aren't I?
. . . It's probably better than a kick to the head, Almighty Ingrid, Signing Off
Simple Desires
2/19/2004 01:26:25 PM
"This is not good."
One day, I dream, I will be able to make an entire batch of pancakes where each pancake will be perfectly done. There will be none burnt, and particularly not that are oddly gooey on the inside, or crumpled into balls because I turned them too soon.
Also, I may need a new frying pan for this awesome potential task of great pancake making.
Until that day, I will eat my gooey underdone pancakes mixed in with the burnt bits, and imagine that in the recesses of my stomach, the two achieve some kind of ideal, utopia-like pancake state.
It's better than a kick in the head, Almighty Ingrid, Signing Off
World's Greatest Spinoff (or - why bell and I, once more, should not be on the same internet)
2/19/2004 12:18:13 AM
"They're making a new Ender's Game movie, for real this time. You know what that means." "Shitty videogame tie-ins?" "Bingo."
bell and I talked over the cancelling of Fucktard today, and concluded that it was a punishment for our hatred of that stupid flashback episode with Spike-the-Nazi. We'd forgive them the stupidity and boredom of the episode, the horrible guest star, and the bad dye job they gave Spike, if only they would take the word of cancellation back.
As that shows no sign of happening however, we have agreed that there should be a spinoff of Fucktard.
The spinoff?
"Bear". Or possibly "Bear the Idiot Eater". bell favours the first, I favour the second.
It would star the Bear from that trippy drugged up dream episode, as he went from city to city, eating stupid people. Every season would end with him eating a Buffyverse character (starting with the eating of Eve at the end of season one) and the series would kick off to a wonderful start with the eating of Kennedy the not-Tara. The series itself would concluded, after a long and popular run, with a two-part finale in which Buffy and then Fucktard were eaten. bell favours a giant buffet of people-eating, though, which would give Bear an apocalypse-strength stomach ache. Sometime before that, maybe in season three, Spike would be eaten defending Buffy. He would be an on-again, off-again force combating against Bear, because he's all pseudo-heroic now.
But Bear would not be alone in his quest to eat stupid people. No! He would be working with Drusilla, who would collect bits of people Bear would then eat to use to make a giant doll. It would start as a business relationship, of course, but would eventually blossom into a love of true soulmate strengthened evil. Also, they would be assisted by Lindsey the Evil Lawyer and Wesley, breaking away from the evil force of pseudo-sexual obsession that is Fucktard for some kind of independance, only to become Bear and Drusilla's bitchmonkeys.
Wesley and Lindsey woudl have massive UST for the first couple of seasons, then have sex, and then proceed to have an awful dysfunctional relationship until the end of the series.
Characters Bear would not eat include Giles, Xander, and Willow. Giles and Xander because they're just so damn cool, and Willow because she is also cool, but gets stupid near the end of the Buffy series, and so she would spontaneously combust.
We'll start drafting a letter to Mutant Enemy as soon as we get the kinks worked out.
I'll leave you with extracts from the Fucktard Alphabet, which is what bell left me with when she went to bed: Bed is for Bear Sleep is for Spike Lust is for Lindsey And Weirdo is for Wesley
It would be the greatest tv show ever made, Almighty Ingrid, Signing Off
